ASK EMILY: Dinner guest won’t divulge recipes

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EMILY / Stafford County Sun
Published: November 28, 2007

Dear Emily:I went to my friend's house for Thanksgiving this year, and brought my famous sweet potato pie with me. Another guest at the party asked me for the recipe, and I politely explained that it was a family secret I didn't care to divulge. The guest got mad at me and, very loudly, said she thought I was being childish. Am I in the wrong here- I know many people who don't like to share their signature recipes, and I don't feel I deserved the response I got. - Recipe refusal

Dear Recipe refusal: If Chef Emeril Lagasse can share his recipes on television day after day, I'm not sure why others can't share theirs. After all, a great dish doesn't turn out great just because of the measurements and ingredients; it's about the skilled person who puts them all together. But that said, it's your prerogative to share or not to share, and no one should belittle you in public for your choice. The guest at the party was the one who was acting childish, and you certainly weren't in the wrong.

Dear Emily: A group of my friends are getting together for a skiing trip in a few weeks, but there is one person in our group, "Kevin," who no one really likes. Kevin started out as a nice guy, but the more we hung out with him, the more we realized what an arrogant jerk he is. We kind of just tolerate him because no one wants to hurt his feelings and explain we don't really want him around. So how do we exclude him from this trip without hurting his feelings- - Not fond of a friend

Dear Not fond of a friend: Look at the big picture here. You can tell some lies and make up excuses to keep Kevin from the ski trip, but your problem won't go away for good. Talk with Kevin and explain the situation. Fess up that no one wants him around, and more importantly, tell him why. Give him a chance to change his arrogant ways and be the friend you thought he was in the first place.

Dear Emily: When I started to date my girlfriend "Stacey" three months ago, I kind of lied and told her I loved to dance and go to clubs. I knew how much she liked to go out and dance, so I thought it would help if she thought I liked the same things she did. But now, three months later, I'm tired of the club scene and want to come clean with Stacey. How should I breakthe news- - Lost in a lie

Dear Lost in lie: Emphasize the good here. Tell Stacey how much you liked her when you first met and how desperate you were to make a good first impression. Apologize for the lie and reinforce to your girlfriend that it was a one-time occurrence. And it wouldn't hurt to offer to make it up to Stacey as well. I think it is only fair that you continue going to the clubs with Stacey until she feels you've offered suitable penance.

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