ASK EMILY: Some crushes just aren’t meant to be

ASK EMILY
Published: July 24, 2008

Dear Emily: I had a crush on this guy, “Ben,” and we went out on one date. He kissed me at the end of the date, and I thought it went well, but he never called me again. After a week went by I found out my friend “Tina” was seeing Ben and keeping it a secret from everyone. She told another one of my friends that she just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I think what she did is sneaky and I don’t want to be friends with someone like that. Should I cut all ties with Tina, or does she deserve a second chance?
— Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: Your friend certainly didn’t waste any time if less than a week went by before she went out with this guy you liked. That does seem sneaky. If Tina liked Ben, she should have first made sure that you and Ben weren’t compatible and then told you how she felt about him. Give Tina a chance to explain her motives, but as I see it, it doesn’t sound like she is a very deserving friend. In any event, you need to determine if all this is just puppy love, and get over it.
Dear Emily: I am throwing a party for my son’s first birthday and my mother-in-law is getting way too involved. She wants the theme of the party to be baseball. I didn’t agree to it; I just thanked her for the suggestion. The next thing I know she goes out and buys paper plates and napkins with baseballs on them. She is also telling me who to invite! What is the best way to get her to back off without hurting her feelings too much and causing family drama?
— Walking on Eggshells

Dear Walking on Eggshells: Your mother-in-law obviously cares about her grandson and wants to be part of his special day. So give her a job to do as a way to distract her from what you don’t want her to do. Tell her you don’t want a baseball theme — hopefully she can return the plates and napkins — but that you could use her help with the food, entertainment or invitations (choose whichever). As for the invite list, remind her that first birthday parties should be small so there isn’t too much excitement for the guest of honor.

Dear Emily: I wanted to ask my girlfriend to marry me and I made all the arrangements to make the moment special, including a nature hike during the day and dinner at a fancy restaurant at night. On the day I was going to propose, she found out her grandmother passed away. Her grandma lived in Florida, and my girlfriend can’t make the funeral, so she is flying down there in two weeks to spend time with her family then. I’m wondering if I should propose sometime during those two weeks, so she can tell her family in person when she goes down there (assuming she says yes), or should I wait until she has had more time to grieve for her grandma?
— Timing is everything

Dear Timing is everything: Sharing news of an engagement is such a happy occasion, and it would be great if your girlfriend could share that news in person. But her entire family is still grieving, and while happy news might help lighten the mood for a while, everyone will still be focused on their loss of a loved one. You don’t want your girlfriend’s happy moment to be forever associated with a sad one. Wait until your girlfriend returns.