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COUNTRY CONNECTION: It’s OK — You can stand under my umbrella

By Paul Kent
For the Stafford County Sun
Published: June 5, 2008

I try not to revel in the misfortune of others. It’s unseemly, for one thing; for another, karma has a funny way of biting you in the tail. Considering my own life choices, to tempt a karma-coma into being would be about the same as hitting oneself in the head with rocks until one passed out - you’re asking for it, and you’re doing so by your own hand.

Chris Cagle, to the best of my knowledge, isn’t the kind to tempt fate all that much, “Chicks Dig It” aside. I mean, it’s one thing to do something insane for the sake of attention. It’s quite another thing entirely to do something insane for reasons that, while possibly reasonable, will never able to be fully explained.

So Chris Cagle and his girlfriend, Jennifer Tant, apparently got drunk at a bar in Nashville, which will never be a crime as long as this planet continues to spin on course. The two got into an argument outside the bar, which might be a crime, but isn’t any different than any given Saturday night at your watering hole of choice. Arguing all the way home, things got physical, which is absolutely a crime and simply no way to solve problems in a relationship.

That said, this isn’t your average backhand-to-the-cheek you’d see on Lifetime at any given hour. Tant hit Cagle in the head with an umbrella, apparently leaving a pretty wicked knot. Cagle hit Tant in the face with her purse, leaving her with a scraped lip and sore arm. After surveying the drunken mayhem, the cops took one look at the both of them, pretty much declared them a pair of psychopaths, and threw them both in the drunk tank as dual primary aggressors.

That’s a mandatory 12 hours of sobering up and having to answer to everyone else in the drunk tank why you were in jail. “Hey, what did you do?” Cagle asks some guy in the other corner, at least in my own head. “I got caught driving drunk. Almost killed a little girl. What’d you do?” And he’d make that rueful smile that we all make when we know full well we’ve done something very, very stupid, and he’d run his fingers through his hair and over the bump while admitting he got hit in the head with an umbrella, so he hit the girl with her purse.

Again, I try not to revel in the misfortune of others. But considering Chris Cagle also has a misdemeanor assault charge waiting for him in September due to — bet you’ll never guess — a drunken altercation in Tuscon, maybe this wasn’t the best time to haul off on the lady friend. While it gives me the opportunity to hum George Strait’s “Seashores of Old Mexico” to myself, it probably is bringing karma around my general vicinity.

I’m not exactly whistling past a graveyard, but then again, neither is Cagle. Let this be a lesson, citizens of Thunderland: you may have to answer for the insane things you do, and if you happen to be famous, those insane things will be amplified.

I mean, if I hit James Matthews (from our sister station, 95.9 WGRQ) in the head with an umbrella, it would be funny. If I hit Kathleen Matthews in the head with an umbrella, I’d never work again.

Paul Kent hosts Thunder After Dark, 7 p.m. - midnight weekdays and the Saturday Night Special, Saturdays 7 p.m. - midnight on Thunder 104.5. FM.

Reader Reactions

Posted by ( uradoooche ) on June 11, 2008 at 2:55 pm

Wow… I am just reading this for the first time.... how odd… BobABooey sounds just like the columnist Paul Kent ... what a coincidence… I think not.

It’s truly off-putting to see someone be so distasteful…

I’m happy to say however that I do NOT share your opinion. Chris is a good man and unfortunately b/c he is the limelight events of his life are escalated and have more attention brought to them than they should.

It’s funny how so much can be said about Chris and his alcohol addiction… but nothing was said of Keith Urban or Trace Adkins and John Michael Montgomery (who happens to be in rehab right now). They had addictions and dealt with them.

True whatever argument he had, hitting is uncalled for, but smacking someone with a purse is quite different than punching someone in the face or beating someone to a pulp, heck I’ve smacked people with my purse before.

And on a personal note, I’m not saying I agree with what happened… but do know that as a fan I choose to believe what I hear from the mouth of the artist himself. I hope he deals with his addiction. But this column and the comments are RUDE! and I will leave it at that b.c my mother always taught me that if I didn’t have something nice to say then say nothing at all… unfortunately… I cannot stay silent. But I will be as polite as I can and just say… YOUR RUDE! WRONG and bluntly… an ASS.

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Posted by ( BobABooey ) on June 07, 2008 at 12:20 pm

Wow. This is only the beginning, Chris, not the end. I can’t believe this is the angle you have come up with. Wait wait, so your argument is that your were “domestically violent” with her own purse while you were SOBER? Your “alleged” inebriation is the one thing you care enough to lie about and refute? And all the officers involved must have had it all wrong? And what about the people at the bar you got drunk at? Was your girlfriend drinking? If yes, how can you say alcohol had nothing to do with it? If no, what would a “recovering” alcoholic be doing anywhere near a bar?

Oh, I got it, your record label has finally had it with your constant cycle of boozing and then crying to get back in some kind of good graces for a couple weeks. So you are releasing the same lies you feed your audience, fans, and radio stations about your personal growth. The only growth that seems to be apparent has seemed to be working around your mid section and blatantly inflated ego. Are you saying that as along as you admit your mistake (which you call “accountable") you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy? When did that last little bit of humanity you must have been born with pitter out? I hope that, in your quiet (sober) moments, you feel the remorse you seem to so chillingly lack. I pray that no one follows your tact because it opens our world up to so much violence and deceit all “excused” by a simple “I did it. And now I am happy.” to some remaining fans on park benches.

And how about telling your girlfriend to get out of your life? You might not be there yet, but you should know that “Hell hath no fury...” I am sure you know the rest, Without the all too obvious excuse of alcohol, how is that (now internationally covered) statement working out for you and her?

There must be witnesses everywhere from the bar all the way down to the courthouse and jail...and a lot of them wear blue everyday...not the yellow you seem to wear proudly on that belly and a cowboy hat. Any lawyer worth his salt is going to be salivating all over that file. (Note to courthouse: you might want to invest in a laminator.)

Shame. Pity. But mostly shame. And lastly, hopefully, justice.

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Posted by ( Cedeste ) on June 06, 2008 at 11:49 pm

facts meaning truth as in what has come out of the mouth of the artist himself… your statements and the statements in the article are opinionated and hurtful.

And not to mention disrespectful.

This is just disheartening.. i am a fan and will continue to be a fan and myself and his other fans will stand by him.

God forbid you get in an argument with your significant other.

I hope you enjoyed your hater rant… b/c frankly I’m done.

Thanks.

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Posted by ( BobABooey ) on June 06, 2008 at 10:44 am

ZING! Kudos Paul for this little ditty...speaking of Chris Cagle:

(Oh, and good luck in court, Chris! I am sure your case in Arizona is riding on it too!)

Facts:
Cagle has a legally documented problem with rage and aggression.
Cagle has a problem with alcohol.
Cagle can go from manic entertainer-esque confidence to infant-like caterwauling at the drop of his baldness covering cowboy hat. Somebody (because clearly he cannot take care of himself) needs to mix lithium into whatever he is shoveling into that pie-hole.
Lastly, (and thusly) Cagle is fat.

Tant is a person. You don’t hit a person (I wish I could make the following PERIOD bigger). You heard it here first from Bob, “The purse was first!” (bless you Johnny Cochran for rhyming arguments). Society...especially the uber-manly/moral ideal that country music likes to put on like dusty spurs...says don’t hit a woman...I agree. She is maybe a buck 10 soaking wet...I spose it WAS raining that night/morning. That gets me thinking...maybe Cagle was enraged at failing to beat her in his very own wet t-shirt contest with his plentiful moobs.

He is a porcine HACK with many rehab worthy problems. Hopefully the judge recognizes this last, excruciating turn down the bottom spiral of his life and orders some treatment.

...and oh, the sweet comeuppance of the fartist who released, “No Love Songs” and “My Life’s Been a Country Song.” Seriously, you can’t WRITE a more perfect eulogy for his gasping career. If Cagle could, his departure from relevance would be less assured.

So, Chris, strap on your weapon of choice, and crawl off into that alcohol induced haze holding your purse high for all to mock. Good riddance.

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Posted by ( Cedeste ) on June 06, 2008 at 9:35 am

get your facts straight…

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