There will be shoes: a guy’s guide to ‘Sex and the City’

By TIM CLODFELTER
Media General News Service
Published: June 5, 2008

Face it, guys, you’re probably going to have to go see “Sex and the City.” Your wife/girlfriend/female buddy will drag you there, kicking and screaming. After all, you probably made her go see some big dumb action movies, so this is just payback. It’s the ultimate Chick Flick. And if you don’t go, you won’t know what she and her friends are talking about.

Whether you’re a “modelizer” or more of a “good on paper” kind of guy (more on these later), be warned: The characters in the show talk about the foibles of the men in their lives a lot. Just like real women do.

So what do you need to know about the whole “Sex and the City” universe to survive this experience, and maybe even have a good time with it? Here’s a primer on Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About “Sex and the City” (But Were Afraid to Ask).

The basics
“Sex and the City” started out as a newspaper column, which became a book, which became a TV series, which has now become a movie.

Writer Candace Bushnell wrote a series of essays about being a single woman in New York, starting out using her own name but eventually adopting the alter ego of Carrie Bradshaw. Television producer Darren Star became a fan of Bushnell’s work - which was compiled into a book in 1996 — and decided it would be perfect fodder for a TV series.

His early discussions with ABC proved fruitless — according to the book “Sex and the City: Kiss and Tell,” the network was reluctant about even using the name “Sex and the City” — but he soon found a home for the show on HBO. There, the show could give an uncensored view of the dating scene for its characters ... and gratuitous nudity, to help draw some male viewers as well.

“Sex and the City” was a hit, running for six seasons from 1998 to 2004. Then they announced a movie, which didn’t happen and then finally did.
The quartet

As Brian Griffin once commented on “Family Guy,” “so it’s a show about three hookers and their mom?” “Sex and the City” the series centered on Carrie and her three best friends as they worked their way through the guys of New York. For the movie, some have settled down and some are on the verge of settling down.

Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is the star and de facto narrator of the series, a fashion-loving columnist prone to introspection. A romantic at heart, she fooled around with various guys on the show but also had several long-term relationships, most notably with a guy known as “Mr. Big” (for being a big shot, get your mind out of the gutter ... well, at least get to the shallower part of the gutter). Mr. Big, whose real name was never given until the last episode of the show, is played by Chris Noth of “Law & Order” fame. So there, guys, it’s someone you’ll recognize.

Incidentally, Parker had a clause in her TV contract to avoid nude scenes, so don’t get your hopes up.

Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) was a cougar before we knew what a cougar was. She’s the oldest and most experimental of the four friends. ... OK, she’s kind of a slut, but she’s a lot of fun, and she’s never afraid to speak her mind, no matter how catty or crude the comment is. Think of her as a much less wrinkly version of Sophia from “The Golden Girls.” Cattrall, by the way, most certainly did not have that “no nudity” clause in her TV contract.

Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) is the most uptight of the gang, a conservative, marriage-minded, perky former cheerleader who longs for a knight in shining armor. She ends up married to a bombastic divorce lawyer.

Miranda Hobbes (Cynthia Nixon) is the cynic of the group, a workaholic mother. Her eventual husband, Steve (David Eisenberg), is a nice guy and, thus, perhaps the most boring character in the history of the series.

Other supporting characters include gay buddies for two of the gals, Carrie’s endearing friend Stanford Blatch and Charlotte’s pal Anthony, an obnoxious wedding planner played to perfection by comic Mario Cantone. Both also return for the big screen.

The movie adds Jennifer Hudson (“Dreamgirls”) to the cast as Carrie’s enthusiastic assistant, Louise.

The fashion
Sure, Carrie looks like she staggered out of a wreck between a vintage boutique and a thrift shop, and Samantha is only fashion-conscious on the rare occasions when she’s wearing clothes. But style was really important to this quartet. Guys, see if you can make your way to the end of this list without your eyes glazing over:

Manolo Blahnik, Christian Dior, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Fendi, Prada, Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin, Isaac Mizrahi.
Still with us? Good. Don’t ask what all that means, your date will explain it to you just like you explained to her which Transformer was which.

The slang
Much like Seinfeld, “Sex and the City” is known for the slang phrases the characters create (or in some cases popularize). A few examples that can be printed in a family newspaper:

Frenemies: Two friends who bicker constantly.
Good on Paper: The nice guy who inevitably gets dumped for a handsome bad boy.

Modelizer: A man who is obsessed with dating models.
Real Estate Bride: A woman who gets married to get an apartment.

Secret Single Behavior: Things people do when they’re totally alone, and only then.

Single Woman’s Sports Pages: The wedding section of The New York Times.

Skid-Marks Guy: Someone who doesn’t keep his underpants clean. Let’s leave it at that.

Try-sexual: Someone who will try anything once.

Upsex: To trump a friend’s big sex news with even bigger sex news.

Used-Date Party: A party where you bring someone you’re no longer interested in.

Yogasm: An orgasm brought on by post-yoga sex.

Tim Clodfelter writes for Media General’s Winston-Salem Journal.