ASK EMILY: Fears don’t need to pass on to children

DEAR EMILY
Published: May 21, 2008

I am ok with this, but I have a 3-year-old son who I don’t want to share the same aversion to the water. How do I get him to relax in a pool, or learn how to swim, when it frightens me to death?
— Sinking Slowly

Dear Sinking Slowly: With a three-year-old son, I’m sure you’ve already had occasion to use the phrase, do as I say, not as I do. There is nothing wrong with signing up your son for swim lessons even though you wouldn’t dare take them yourself. In fact, you can encourage your son by telling him how brave he is for learning a new skill, one that even his mother can’t do.

Dear Emily: I can’t find a job, and I’ve been looking for months. The economy is really bad, and not helping my situation. I just don’t know when my luck is going to change. Got any good money saving tips?
— Sinking Slowly

Dear Sinking Slowly: Save on gas by consolidating trips around town. Save on groceries by using coupons and buying generic brand items. Refinance your mortgage. Rent DVDs from the library. Replace incandescent bulbs with compact fluorescent light bulbs. And here is some advice you didn’t ask for-don’t blame the economy or luck for your job situation; there are jobs to be had, so be more optimistic. Despite economic conditions, there has been growth in certain professions, like finance and accounting, engineering, technology and science. And there are still good job markets in some areas of New York, Boston, Washington, D.C., and other major cities.

Dear Emily: I am going on a date next weekend with this really cute guy, and I want to make a good impression. My problem is my allergies. I can’t go to so many different restaurants because of my food allergies, and I’m afraid this will be a turn off. I don’t want to dictate where we go out to dinner, but the alternative is that we go someplace where I can’t eat. He is going to think I’m totally weird, isn’t he?
— Dinner Dilemma

Dear Dinner Dilemma: There is a difference between
weird and quirky, and your affliction definitely falls on the more endearing side of the equation. Food allergies are normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. So don’t be afraid to choose a restaurant, or a least recommend two or three places at which you can dine. He will probably appreciate the suggestion so he doesn’t have to worry about picking the place all by himself.