ASK EMILY: Swimmer ponders over whether to be honest

ASK EMILY
Published: May 28, 2008

Dear Emily: I signed up for swimming lessons at my local gym to help me learn stroke techniques for a triathlon I signed up for. My instructor is extremely sweet, but after three lessons, she really didn’t teaching me anything. I have to fill out an evaluation form about her at the end of my sessions, and I’m debating what to say. She is such a nice girl and I don’t want to get her in trouble, but the lessons w ere expensive and I certainly didn’t get what I paid for.
— Disappointed Student

Dear Disappointed Student: You have an obligation to be honest. After all, if you don’t bring your instructor’s poor performance to someone’s attention, the next swim student will also be out of luck and out of money. People often appreciate criticism, as long as it’s constructive. So don’t just list negative things on the form, but offer ways that the instructor could have done things better. And make sure to list all of her positive attributes as well. 
Dear Emily: One of my good friends moved away last year and always invites me up to stay with her for a weekend. I can’t stand sleeping there though because she has three cats and a dog, and there is pet hair everywhere. When I leave, I feel like I am covered in a fur blanket! I don’t want to keep making excuses for not visiting, but I hate to stay with her. Is there a nice way to tell her this without offending her?
— Freaked Over Fur

Dear Freaked Over Fur: Why not just stay at a hotel?
Explain to your friend that you aren’t used to having so many pets around and you’d feel more comfortable staying somewhere else. You don’t have to give specifics, unless she asks. And if she does, tell her the truth. After all, maybe other people don’t visit for the same reason, and it would be nice if your friend knew this so she could change her ways.

Dear Emily: I went to check my e-mail on my roommate’s computer when I noticed she was still logged in to her account. I saw she had an email with my name in the subject matter, but didn’t read it. It’s really bugging me though and I want to ask her about it. What if she’s mad at me for some reason and talking about me to people? Or what if another one of our mutual friends is talking about me behind my back? I don’t know how to approach my roommate about this because I don’t want her to think I am invading her privacy.
— Suspicious in Stafford

Dear Suspicious in Stafford: Well, if you ask your friend about the e-mail, you are in fact invading her privacy. You may have seen the e-mail by accident, but confronting your roommate about it would be intrusive.
Just pretend that you never saw the e-mail and forget about the whole issue. If she, or someone else, is mad at you, you’ll find out when the person feels the time is right.