HOLLIFIELD: Media glare causes mom to go &Britney&

SCOTT HOLLIFIELD / Stafford County Sun
Published: February 15, 2008

Last week, I wrote about how she ordered a George W. Bush mask, strapped it to a dummy in a replica electric chair from a Halloween clearance sale and set it on her porch as a "political and artistic statement."

TV news came in and suddenly my mom's "political and artistic statement" was on stations across the Southeast, an Internet sensation (http://www.youtube.com/watch-v=AKDMq2bUsKA) and a hot topic on message boards where keyboard warriors anonymously hurl grammatically challenged insults at each other.

Most of the Internet chatter was, in fact, either positive or at least championing her right to free speech.

Some messages, though, were a bit disturbing.

"I've got a relative in NC that told me about this yesterday," Ned wrote on rawstory.com. "She said most people down there are supportive of somebody burning this lady's house down."

YouTube user akaMaude said my mom was a "backward, uneducated, redneck woman spewing vile." Needless to say, akaMaude is off the Christmas card list.

Some were sure the government would see it as a credible threat and act accordingly.

"I hope she doesn't disappear suddenly," Monel wrote on rawstory.

If the government believes a 60-something-year-old cancer survivor awaiting a knee transplant can breach White House security with Jack Bauer-like stealth, kidnap the leader of the free world, transport him back to a small town in North Carolina and assassinate him in a nonfunctioning replica electric chair, then we've got bigger problems than a looming economic recession.

In addition to the buzz on the information superhighway, her normally quiet street was clogged with passersby snapping cell phone photos of George grinning from the porch in his orange jumpsuit. College students from Wake Forest took pictures. So did a doctor from Waynesville, N.C., and a tourist from New Jersey.

It was all too much for Mom. She announced her separation from Kevin Federline and gave up custody of her kids, even though she was never married to Kevin Federline and her kids are all in their 30s and 40s.

She e-mailed me this official statement:

***

I know how Brittney feels now. I'm thinking of shaving my head.

I don't know what I was thinking when I put a George Bush mask on our Halloween "life-size-man-in-the-electric-chair" and sat him on my front porch. (Actually, I am against the death penalty, even for George.) A few weeks passed and no one seemed to notice. I began to care about George. I talked to him about the error of his ways. He just sat there and smiled. I seemed to be getting through to him. I put a blanket and a wool hat on him at night. He was so polite. He never interrupted and he always listened. Had I misjudged him-

And then someone tipped off the TV people. Now, all my Republican family members are mad at me. People come on my porch and take pictures with their cell phones. One lady called me "a commie b----!

I am retired. I wear my nightgown all morning. (Sometimes all day.) Now I have to have my makeup on at all times. I have to dress. I have to comb my hair. I can't go on my porch without someone rolling down a car window and saying, "You go, girl!" or giving me the finger. It was fun for a day or two. Now, I am hiding in my own house. I am somewhat of a hermit and rarely have visitors. I'm now living in a goldfish bowl. George Bush has taken my life away.

I went out on the porch tonight and looked at George. Instead of smiling, he seems to be gloating. He looked smug. I could swear I heard a chuckle. I had not misjudged him. On with the electrocution!

***

My advice: eBay, Mom. Sell that sucker on eBay and we'll all go to Vegas.

Scott Hollifield is editor/general manager of The McDowell News in Marion, N.C.

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